} planet's last dance

[Deleted]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r71/maggiesrpstuff/BACKGROUNDS/ea5ncojpg.png); width: 420px; padding-top: 10; padding-bottom: 10; border: #363636 solid 2px;] [div style="background-image:url(http://i391.photobucket.com/albums/oo358/lamchop_/tumblr_mh5ux0zhiu1qaubbdo1_500.gif); height: 180; width: 400; font-size: 0; background: -moz-linear-gradient(bottom, #d5d2d2, rgba(255,255,255,0), rgba(0,0,0,0)), url(http://i1235.photobucket.com/albums/ff430/lamchopp_/400x250.jpg);[br"]-webkit-mask-image: -webkit-gradient(linear, left top, left bottom, from(rgba(0,0,1,1)), to(rgba(0,0,0,0)));]hi

[/div]

the lightning strike,

Sam had just spent two hours at his girlfriend's house with her son. It seemed like a routine now, but times were different now. With Secret Safe absolutely consuming him, the only thing he wanted to do was lie down and sleep for a decade. Siana was a stable part of his day, but he was distracted and unfocused. It felt like being around her was a chore now. The sad part was that he loved her. He had told her so. He knew that she was the only one there for him. It was an adult love -- a matter of intellect. Delilah wouldn't understand it, no matter how hard she tried. Unfortunately, something was holding Sam's heart captive now. It was the work, the passionless toil of the world. He felt like he was Leo Tolstoy now, optimistic but unable to express such emotions under the pressures of upper class culture. He was sick of expectations, sick of problems, and sick of feeling like the world was expecting everything from him.

"I don't know if I can go for another round," Samson told Radoslav as the two stared at the end result of their Connect Four game. Rado could beat Samson, even when Sam didn't try to go easy on the kid. He was unreasonably intelligent, even when put up against an educated thirty-one-year-old. Radoslav rolled over onto his belly and leaned his little face into his hands. "Why you so tired, Mr. Fletcher?" the boy asked. He had become accustomed to the formal name after hearing it so often while Samson was over the phone with his co-workers. It seemed like the job was pulling him away from the boy who Samson wanted to make his own. He could tell that he and Siana were leading to marriage, so he was no longer holding back in trying to become a permanent part of Rado's life. Though the boy fell back into his shell at times, he was becoming increasingly comfortable with the father figure in his life. Samson wanted to be there and fill the gaps left by a neglectful and abusive man. Even if he couldn't be the biological parent, he knew that Rado needed somebody. Samson was going to be that person.

When Siana came back into the room, Samson realized that it was time for Radoslav's bedtime. He and Siana had scheduled a late dinner at a restaurant about thirty minutes away from her loft. "Rado, it's time to fly into your dreams!" he cried before getting up and lifting the boy up into his arms. He "flew" Rado into his bedroom and tucked him in, pretending like there was no real rush for Samson to leave the house with his girlfriend. As much as he loved Rado, he wanted to spend some adult time with Siana. The two rarely got to see each other during the day when Samson wasn't busy, so the strain was on their relationship at any time of the week. At night, though, Samson swore off his phone and e-mail to spend time with his girlfriend when he was in town. "Good night, prince of Maine, king of New York," Samson whispered, referencing the movie, Cider House Rules. He had watched it with Siana and decided that the words were a good luck sign. "Sleep well." He and Siana shut off the light and waited until Molly came to leave the house. Molly was spending the night to make sure nothing happened to Rado. When they finally shut the front door to make it to the car, Samson couldn't help himself. He took her face into his hands and kissed her deeply. "I missed you so much," he breathed.

tagged: neg as siana zhekova <3 words: 651 notes: MISSED THIS.

[/center][/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table]

THIS TEMPLATE WAS MADE BY WILMETTA OF CAUTION.

[/center]

[Deleted]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 420px; border-top: #bd003e 8px solid; border-bottom: #bd003e 10px solid; background-color: #ffffff; background-image: url(http://i739.photobucket.com/albums/xx40/tippykazoo/Caution/24o0v2t.png);] [atrb=width,400] a bit of peace, a bit of love a bit of something left behind The fact that Samson was her boyfriend – this was something that Siana got used to. In the beginning of their relationship, which felt both so far ago and not that much, it seemed so hard to believe that this was true, because it was too good. Now, when Samson was coming more often and after he had made a clear statement the he had plan about staying next to Siana, almost proposing her, it was way easier to believe in what was going on. The distance was still a pretty big obstacle between the two of them. They were doing everything they could do spend time together as much as possible. Both of them had their obligations, and now when Siana had been taking a break from work in order to spend that time with Radoslav, she also had time to realize how much she missed Samson. She was trying to be as independent as she had always been when it came to her emotions, but she could not deny anymore that nothing was the same when Samson was not around. Everything seemed easier, when he was around; the world seemed a better place, and - the laid-back man he was – he was giving her exactly the stability she needed. The unexpected kiss Samson gave Siana, took her breath away. Actually his kisses always did that to her – her heart stopped beating and started racing madly; her blood started boiling and became frozen into her veins. All at the same time. Siana smiled shyly, her head still into his hands when Samson stepped back. She caressed his palms without taking her eyes off his, “I missed you too.” And it was not a lie. Both of them knew it and that was the sad thing because both of them had that feeling. They were giving their best not to let the distance screw up everything between them, and they were doing pretty well – both Samson and Siana were high above those things. But still there was that feeling that someone important was missing. Siana sighed quietly and took Samson’s hands into hers, then kissed lightly each one of them. She loved feeling him. She could do well enough without his physical presence before, but now she was craving for it – for Samson, for the stable and calm aura that was floating around him. “Radoslav missed you too,” she said while they were walking down the stairs of the flat building Siana lived in. “You should’ve seen his face when I told him that you’re coming to see us. He quickly grabbed his crown and sat right next to the front door, and denied to move from there until you come,” Siana chuckled when the memory of her king-wanna-be son appeared into her mind. Samson and Radoslav were building such a strong relationship for such a short period of time that it did not stop to amaze her. Anyway, she and Samson also deserved their time together in order to strengthen their relationship. The gentleman he was, Samson opened the door of his car for Siana. After saying ‘Thank you’ as a real princess would say it to her knight, she sat on the seat next to the driver’s one. While Samson was walking to the other side of the car, Siana opened the glove compartment. She remembered she had once left a gloss in it. What her fingers touched was definitely not the tiny bottle of the gloss. Her eyes widened was she saw the little box into her hand. “Samson,” she started without still looking down at the glove compartment and what was in it, “is this yours?” She looked at him with her eyes big and shining holding a pack of cigarettes into her hand. tag: LAM/SAMSON <3 word count: 627 outfit: CLICK notes: I LOVE THEM TOO MUCH.

[/td][/tr][/table]

template by tippy of caution.

[/center]

[Deleted]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r71/maggiesrpstuff/BACKGROUNDS/ea5ncojpg.png); width: 420px; padding-top: 10; padding-bottom: 10; border: #363636 solid 2px;] [div style="background-image:url(http://i391.photobucket.com/albums/oo358/lamchop_/tumblr_mh5ux0zhiu1qaubbdo1_500.gif); height: 180; width: 400; font-size: 0; background: -moz-linear-gradient(bottom, #d5d2d2, rgba(255,255,255,0), rgba(0,0,0,0)), url(http://i1235.photobucket.com/albums/ff430/lamchopp_/400x250.jpg);[br"]-webkit-mask-image: -webkit-gradient(linear, left top, left bottom, from(rgba(0,0,1,1)), to(rgba(0,0,0,0)));]hi

[/div]

the lightning strike,

Even with all of the weight on his shoulders, Siana was his angel. Just being around her made him forget about his daily troubles. He missed France and began to wonder if he would be there when his parents were old and frail. The thoughts invaded his mind with pessimism, which was not like Samson, but he felt himself changing with the waning motivation in his life as well as the lack of confidence he felt in his career. Though he was successful, he lived in his grandfather's footsteps. It made him less of a person. He was divorced and mildly jaded, even compared to Siana. She kept her hope in her heart. After all that had happened to her, she still had more heart than he did. At times, he wondered if he was doing what he needed to with his life. He was reaching some kind of early midlife crisis, and the only cure lay in the subtle kisses on his palms. He leaned in and kissed her forehead before leading her to his Subaru.

Following his usual routine, he courteously opened the door for her and came around to take a seat. Once he turned the key in the ignition, he looked over at Siana. In the dark, she looked unusually pale. "What?" he asked, shocked with her negative tone. He looked in her hand to see the pack of cigarettes. For the past month, he had been hiding this secret from her. Before Siana came along, this had been his addiction. It was the worst at the very end of his first marriage. Though he was not a violent addict, he knew that it was a vice that could hurt his relationship with Siana. He knew how much she hated smoking and heavy drinking. He knew she would end up finding out, but he was tactless enough to leave the pack in there for her to find. "It's mine," he told her honestly, sighing before beginning to drive. If they were going to argue, they were already here, and he was ready.

He could remember the days before he was ever married. Life was about theology and conquering his deep-seeded demons. When Delilah came along, Samson lost some of that purity to nicotine and sex. He could remember how Delilah once blinded him, but she was not to blame. He knew how to make his own decisions; he had simply chosen the wrong path. He was once a chain smoker. When he found himself in emotional ruts, that was his getaway. He knew it was wrong, but the temptation always had a way of overcoming him. He fell to his knees for it, unable to resist the urge of running away from the heavy feeling in his bones. It felt like the only way was to light up and remember the smell of carefree cigarette smoke, the comfort he once had as a happily married man. Back when the world was beautiful, he had been a smoker. The smell was like a time machine, taking the stress away and making him feel like he was in his early twenties. He wasn't unhappy with Siana; he was just unhappy with his career and how he couldn't be beside his parents in France. He feared that he was making the wrong decisions. She was the only thing that was right.

"I figured that... you're not going to tell me to stop," he told her, wearing his director's tone. He had never spoken to Siana that way before; it was not rebellious or cruel, but it was not sweet or kind. It was somewhere in between.

tagged: neg as siana zhekova <3 words: 607 notes: UGH THEIR FIRST ARGUMENT.

[/center][/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table]

THIS TEMPLATE WAS MADE BY WILMETTA OF CAUTION.

[/center]

[Deleted]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 420px; border-top: #bd003e 8px solid; border-bottom: #bd003e 10px solid; background-color: #ffffff; background-image: url(http://i739.photobucket.com/albums/xx40/tippykazoo/Caution/24o0v2t.png);] [atrb=width,400] a bit of peace, a bit of love a bit of something left behind At the moment Samson answered her, the world stopped moving; the clock froze and the times stopped. Of course, Siana knew the answer of her question even before asking Samson about it, but until the last second she was hoping to be wrong. Smoking was not that bad like killing people, for example, but it was brining bad memories into her head. The overuse of cigarettes, alcohol and drugs reminded her of Charlie and who she was when they were together. That was into her past and she was happy now, but she did not want to think of what was before, not to mention someone that important to her Samson to get involved in such a vice. Because she knew it – no one could make you stop it, unless you yourself do it; unless you find the will and the strength to throw away the cigarette before lighting it up. She clenched her teeth in a try to hold back the instinctive flow of emotions that started running through her body. But Samson’s official tone almost killed her. He took her breath away again, but this time not in the good way he did before. He had never been talking to her like that. Of course, she was not that blind not the see the darkness that was covering the typical light into his eyes. She could see tension into his gestures, she could hear it between his words, she could see it floating around him while he was simply sitting there in the middle of a room all alone in silence which happened only when Radoslav was asleep. She never asked though. Probably she should have asked him. Yes, definitely. She should have taken care of him. He was fret; yet he was the one the made her calmer with his simple presence. Siana close slowly the glove compartment, but did not put back in there the pack of cigarettes. It remained into her hand; she was silently playing with it, slightly touching its sides and edges, without taking her eyes off it. Silence fell in the distance between them – awkward as never before when it came to these two. Both of them knew that the conversation was going to continue; they just needed their time – Samson to think of how to continue behaving, and Siana to figure what had just happened. She was feeling as if somebody had just told her that the world was going to end in a minute, and she was so shocked that she did not know what to do first. She had so many questions bumping at each other into her head that she could not ask any of them - since when, for how long, and the most important of all… “Why?” She did not mean her voice to sound that scared as it actually did. It was hard for her to think logically, to speak adequately, even to breathe normally – well, it always happened to her when she was around Samson, but for the first time ever she did not want it, because she was feeling awful. Trying to stay as calm as she could, she looked at him before giving him the chance to answer to the only question she had found the strength to ask. “You should know that you can tell me anything. If there’s something that bothers you… you can tell me. God, you know it!” How was she supposed to tell to this man that what he was doing was killing both him and her? tag: LAM/SAMSON <3 word count: 590 outfit: CLICK notes: this makes me love them even more.

[/td][/tr][/table]

template by tippy of caution.

[/center]

[Deleted]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r71/maggiesrpstuff/BACKGROUNDS/ea5ncojpg.png); width: 420px; padding-top: 10; padding-bottom: 10; border: #363636 solid 2px;] [div style="background-image:url(http://i391.photobucket.com/albums/oo358/lamchop_/tumblr_mh5ux0zhiu1qaubbdo1_500.gif); height: 180; width: 400; font-size: 0; background: -moz-linear-gradient(bottom, #d5d2d2, rgba(255,255,255,0), rgba(0,0,0,0)), url(http://i1235.photobucket.com/albums/ff430/lamchopp_/400x250.jpg);[br"]-webkit-mask-image: -webkit-gradient(linear, left top, left bottom, from(rgba(0,0,1,1)), to(rgba(0,0,0,0)));]hi

[/div]

the lightning strike,

Arguing with the woman he loved was not the way he wanted to start the night. He didn't want Siana to be upset. It was worse, though; she actually sounded like she was afraid of him. It was his worst nightmare, and it was coming true. He didn't want to be another Charlie. His worst dream was that she would see him as a tyrant or a violent man. Samson had a feral side of him that wanted to control all elements in his life, but he never wanted to control her. He also never wanted to remind her of Charlie, and he could hear in her voice that he was an addict just like the abusive man. Samson stared straight at the road, making a calculated turn and straightening the steering wheel as they got onto the highway. When he heard her raise her voice, he turned to look at her in the darkness.

"Siana, calm down," he told her softly. He reached his right hand to rest a hand on her lower thigh. It was an intimate move that would have been fine anywhere else, but he felt like it didn't even fit the context. That was a gesture for two people who trusted each other, and right now, Siana didn't trust him. "It's not your fault that I started again. Please don't think that, my love." His hand returned to the steering wheel to control where he was going. It was dark, after all, and he wasn't about to risk their safety over trying to physically comfort an irate woman. It seemed like women were always disappointed with him for some reason. He shouldn't think that way and he knew it, but Siana was very disappointed for a valid reason. Delilah had been disappointed in him for being an infertile man. Now, he had disappointed two very important women in his life, and he had no way of actually fixing it. Even if he stopped smoking, Siana would always fear that he would pick it up once again. The damage was done.

He couldn't bring himself to tell her about what was going on in his mind. None of it had to do with Siana; it was all about becoming a larger part in the industry and feeling the full impact of stress. It was about worrying about his parents, feeling like something terrible was going to happen to them if he remained in America. It was about wanting to leave and go back home. She had nothing to do with his troubles; she was the one person he knew who would make all of this better. She could, and she did so on a daily basis. Nothing she did, however, could bring Tabitha back into Samson's life. Nothing she did could ensure her parents' safety. Nothing she did could make him stop smoking; that was his choice, and they were both aware that he couldn't just stop cold turkey. He had an addiction. This was undeniable.

"I'd been free of it for a while," he told her, feeling like she was going to cry at any point. If he told her why he was doing it, she was going to find ways to help him when she couldn't. It was only a matter of time before he stopped smoking, after all; the chain smoking was escalating so quickly that it would come to affect his social outings. He would have to go for smoke breaks in the middle of important meetings if he didn't stop. He knew these things, but stopping the addiction was like stopping a moving train. He didn't know how to do it a second time; the first time he stopped seemed like a century ago.

tagged: neg as siana zhekova <3 words: 644 notes: Me too, but it's so sad!

[/center][/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table]

THIS TEMPLATE WAS MADE BY WILMETTA OF CAUTION.

[/center]

[Deleted]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 420px; border-top: #bd003e 8px solid; border-bottom: #bd003e 10px solid; background-color: #ffffff; background-image: url(http://i739.photobucket.com/albums/xx40/tippykazoo/Caution/24o0v2t.png);] [atrb=width,400] a bit of peace, a bit of love a bit of something left behind It hurt so bad that Siana found it really hard to take a simple breath in. She was still holding the pack of cigarettes into her hand as if she could force Samson to quit smoking if she just did not give it back to him. And for a moment or two she was really thinking of not giving him back the cigarettes – it was going to be as if she was giving him poison willingly. But the next moment she realized how stupid she would look if she did that – she was not a child to behave like one. Plus, Samson was a grown man, and he knew the consequences of the decisions he was making, although it did not seem like that – if he really knew the danger of smoking, and if he really cared about Siana, he would not do it, wouldn’t he? “I am calm, Samson,” she answered back. She was not though. And he could see it. "I'd been free of it for a while," Samson sad. Siana looked at him with a big question in her eyes. Why was he telling that to her? She knew that he had been smoking before, but this fact did not change the one that he was a smoker again. She opened her mouth in order to tell him that, maybe even yell at him. But that would not be her. Yes, she was endlessly emotional, but somehow in a quiet way. Probably if that happened a few years ago she was going to scream at Samson and to tell him to stop the car so she could get out of it quite demonstratively, but not now. She was a new person after Radoslav’s birth, and she was not going to do this to her. She was not going to do it to Samson either. That was why she just clenched her free hand into a small fist in order to stop herself from doing or saying something wrong. She closed her eyes and rested her head on the back of her seat… thinking. The silence between the two people in car was being broken only by the noise of its engine. The city lights were passing through them, transforming themselves into wonderfully beautiful figures and colours. New York was adorable at this time of the year. People, Christmas lights, songs and a lot of snow all over its streets. Sadly, none of the two that were sitting into Samson’s Subaru seemed to think of this charming beauty right now. He had told her that it was not her fault, but still somehow Siana was feeling guilty. And yet Samson was not giving her the answer she wanted to hear. “Why did you start smoking again?” Even though she wanted to hide how much her hands… her whole body was shaking, she could not and that was making her feel angry, mostly at herself. And why did not he tell her? If it had nothing to do with her, he would have told her, wouldn’t he? Siana rubbed her forehead, closing her eyes again. But when she opened them, she did not look at Samson. She could not even imagine what was going on into his mind just like he could not imagine what was going on into hers. Her brown eyes – seeming somehow darkened now, probably from the feelings inside of her – stared away through the window of the car. “I just want the best for you. Don’t you know it?” Her voice jumped out of her mouth unusually emotionless, making her feeling scared to death from her own self. tag: LAM/SAMSON <3 word count: 603 outfit: CLICK notes: IT'S KILLING ME

[/td][/tr][/table]

template by tippy of caution.

[/center]

[Deleted]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r71/maggiesrpstuff/BACKGROUNDS/ea5ncojpg.png); width: 420px; padding-top: 10; padding-bottom: 10; border: #363636 solid 2px;] [div style="background-image:url(http://i391.photobucket.com/albums/oo358/lamchop_/tumblr_mh5ux0zhiu1qaubbdo1_500.gif); height: 180; width: 400; font-size: 0; background: -moz-linear-gradient(bottom, #d5d2d2, rgba(255,255,255,0), rgba(0,0,0,0)), url(http://i1235.photobucket.com/albums/ff430/lamchopp_/400x250.jpg);[br"]-webkit-mask-image: -webkit-gradient(linear, left top, left bottom, from(rgba(0,0,1,1)), to(rgba(0,0,0,0)));]hi

[/div]

the lightning strike,

Siana was right; he was a grown man, and he understood the consequences. He knew that it could mean a few days less to spend on the planet, that it could mean he couldn't breathe as well anymore, that he could ruin his relationship with Siana. What was difficult was stopping dead in his tracks and turning back around to the days when his work didn't consume his every thought. He was conflicted, quite honestly, and the addiction felt like something that could be rationalized at any point. That was the struggle with addictions: when the Devil comes near, he comes in the form of something good. Samson looked at the cigarettes in his time of need, and they made him feel calm, relaxed, unstressed. Smoking was like falling in love or dreaming. They allowed him to forget the rest.

Samson could feel the air around them alter with her reaction. He could feel the rage that she was holding inside, and he didn't understand why she didn't just yell at him. It made the most sense for her to, but he heard nothing but a sigh and the sound of her hand on her seat. He felt like she wanted to hit something or start screaming, but that wasn't who she was. It wasn't like Sam to yell, either, so he knew that this would end with either a compromise or silence on both sides. He knew that smoking was practically unforgivable because it was a symbol of a lack of discipline. It meant that Samson was allowing his environment to alter his former purity, and he knew that Siana was aware of this. It wasn't just a few cigarettes. It was the mindset that came with the surrender. He knew that she didn't need this in her life, that this made her too good for him. She had the opportunity to walk away at any moment, and in that moment, he realized that, for whatever reason, she wasn't going to walk away. She was choosing to stay.

"It's not you. I didn't pick it up again because of you." Once again, he felt the urge to reach out to her, but he kept his hand on the wheel still. He didn't know how to answer her question. There had been a day of complete turmoil at work. He remembered going to the gas station and forgetting his card. He walked in to pay in cash, and the cigarettes were there. Nothing was really holding him back: no age limit, present human being, or voice in his head. He had a cigarette outside of the gas station without thinking, and the familiar taste of it made him wonder why he ever stopped. It was a sick, impulsive thing, and he felt dirtied with the need for nicotine.

The next words coming from his lover's lips made him feel completely numb. It was like the sound of the engine replaced itself with silence, the kind that people put into movies when someone died. He felt sick for a few moments and gulped down the nausea of the matter. "I know you do," he told her sincerely, looking at her profile. She was keeping her eyes from him. He didn't blame her. He looked at the road and realized that their destination was on their left. He parked the car promptly in a parallel position. When he cut the engine, he reached for her hand and held it in his, hoping she wouldn't pull it away. "I know you won't tell me to stop. And it's something I have to fight on my own. I need to figure it out right now, okay?" he almost requested of her. "It's not you. Please understand that." He brought a hand to her cheek.

tagged: neg as siana zhekova <3 words: 630 notes: I KNOW

[/center][/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table]

THIS TEMPLATE WAS MADE BY WILMETTA OF CAUTION.

[/center]

[Deleted]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 420px; border-top: #bd003e 8px solid; border-bottom: #bd003e 10px solid; background-color: #ffffff; background-image: url(http://i739.photobucket.com/albums/xx40/tippykazoo/Caution/24o0v2t.png);] [atrb=width,400] a bit of peace, a bit of love a bit of something left behind When Samson turned off the car, Siana was still refusing to look at him. She did not even want to listen to anything anymore, even her own thoughts which were making her feel even more confused than she usually was. But she could not help but look at the man beside her, when she felt the touch of his skin against to his. It was simply irresistible – the fact that he was smoking did not mean that she did not love him anymore. It was just making things a bit less smooth and more complicated. She looked at him, letting her eyes to share with him everything that was both inside her mind and heart. She could not stop getting lost into his deep eyes. She was still speechless, while her two dark brown eyes – really dark, almost black, - were speaking to him: it was not only about the him or her, or their relationship; it was also about Radoslav – how could the boy bear it, if something bad happened to Samson’s health? The danger that the cigarettes had over his health, Radoslav’s feelings, her own broken trust in him… She wanted to tell him so many things, and if she started, she would not stop until she told him everything. But she did not. She opened her mouth only to sigh quietly without taking her eyes off his – he was right. Samson had to fight with this on his own, and Siana did not have the right to exert an influence over his emotions with hers or these of her son. Before everything else, Samson was a separate individual. Yes, they loved each other; yes, their relationship was moving towards more serious levels than the typical boyfriend-girlfriend relationships; they wanted to spend their lifetimes together. But above that they had an endless respect to each other’s feelings, thoughts and choices. If that was Samson’s choice, then alright – Siana was going to give him the freedom he deserved. She nodded. She could not pronounce a word, choking with the fight with herself, but at least she nodded. And that was a progress. It seemed that the night could continue to its plan to be one of the typical perfect night outs they had. She did not pull her hand away from his. “I know. I just…” She could not continue. Instead, she shook her head and put the pack of cigarettes back into the glove compartment. “I just thought you’re going to speak to me first.” There was logic, wasn’t it? She was his girlfriend, probably soon even his wife. Why would not he speak to her if something bothered him? She was supposed to be his closest person. “I’m not blaming you,” she added, reminding herself of their unsaid rule about each other’s choices. She took in another breath, deeper this time, and looked back at Samson. She seemed way calmer now, when she pushed the whole thing at the back of her head. She could not act as if nothing happened though, that why she opened her door without waiting for him to do it. While both of them were getting out of the vehicle, another thought flashed into Siana’s mind. And this thought killed the last hope that everything’s not that bad; it finished her – Samson did not feel her as his closest person into his life ever. Because he had someone closer to him than her – he had had his ex-wife. Trying to fight the shivers that went through her body – both from the freezing cold outside of the car and from what she was thinking – Siana closed the door, but did not make a step away from it. She waited quietly until Samson got closer enough to hear her speaking without screaming. “Delilah would’ve guessed that you’re smoking even if you don’t tell her.” This was getting far worse than she expected to. tag: LAM/SAMSON <3 word count: 649 outfit: CLICK notes: funny, huh

[/td][/tr][/table]

template by tippy of caution.

[/center]

[Deleted]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r71/maggiesrpstuff/BACKGROUNDS/ea5ncojpg.png); width: 420px; padding-top: 10; padding-bottom: 10; border: #363636 solid 2px;] [div style="background-image:url(http://i391.photobucket.com/albums/oo358/lamchop_/tumblr_mh5ux0zhiu1qaubbdo1_500.gif); height: 180; width: 400; font-size: 0; background: -moz-linear-gradient(bottom, #d5d2d2, rgba(255,255,255,0), rgba(0,0,0,0)), url(http://i1235.photobucket.com/albums/ff430/lamchopp_/400x250.jpg);[br"]-webkit-mask-image: -webkit-gradient(linear, left top, left bottom, from(rgba(0,0,1,1)), to(rgba(0,0,0,0)));]hi

[/div]

the lightning strike,

She finally turned to look at him, yet the excitement of being able to look into her eyes melted away the moment their gazes made contact. He could see it in her eyes: the mistrust, denial, anger. It was all subdued because that was Siana; she was kind and forgiving. She wasn't going to yell or tell him what to do, and he knew that better than he had known anything. A flash of confusion was evident on his face -- confusion as to why she was dealing with this, why she wasn't leaving him over it. It was small, but it came down to a larger matter: Radoslav. What would this mean if he influenced Rado with smoking? The young man looked up to Samson as a father figure, and now he was smoking? What if Samson's addictions spread? What if he dabbled in alcohol? What if it all got worse? He could see the fear in Siana's eyes, and he wished he could promise to her that it would all get better soon. He wished he could throw the pack of cigarettes out the window, but he couldn't do it. He wasn't a liar, and a promise he made now would be a promise broken.

"I knew what you'd say if I would have told you," he replied quietly. She would have been disappointed in him, and he knew that her disappointment dissuaded him from doing bad things. She was the moral compass, at least the stronger one, while Samson hadn't always been innocent. In contrast, Siana was an angel. Even in hard times, she chose to look at the positive side of the matter. Maybe Samson had experienced emotional abuse, but Siana had been kicked around, yet she remained strong. He couldn't be her, and he knew that. He knew that she had a say in what he did and that she would have talked him out of picking up a cigarette again. "I know you don't blame me." He also knew that she had a right to blame him. He was the only one to blame, really. He was worried about work, Tabitha, his parents, his dog. He was stressing out when he knew better.

He could barely take his eyes off of Siana, but he had to when she opened the door to get out. He felt like the rest of the night had a chance of survival -- of course, that was before Siana said her next words. He stood, stopped dead in his tracks, and conspicuously sucked in a breath through his nostrils. Adrenaline pumped through him for a moment, driven by shock and a small pulse of anger. Most of all, he felt immense pain. "What?" he choked out, pressing a hand to the Subaru and looking down at the floor. He felt like she had taken the ground beneath his feet and pulled it. She knew how much it hurt him to hear those words. He knew how much it hurt her to even conceive the thought that Delilah had once been the first and foremost person and relationship in his life. Times were different, though, and what he had with Siana was too different. It was so much better. In fact, it was incomparable.

He looked up, blinking quickly, looking for a thought. He swallowed before looking at the woman whom he loved. "She would have expected the worst from me, Siana," he said quietly. "It doesn't mean she knew me any better than you do." He took a step forward and looked into her eyes with earnest. His hand reached up to her face and tilted her gaze into his. He breathed out into cold air and hoped that he could close the icy chasm between them. "You are the love of my life, Siana. Don't ever think she's the better of you two. We both know better." He stared at her for only a moment longer before kissing her forehead.

tagged: neg as siana zhekova <3 words: 662 notes: GAH

[/center][/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table]

THIS TEMPLATE WAS MADE BY WILMETTA OF CAUTION.

[/center]

[Deleted]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 420px; border-top: #bd003e 8px solid; border-bottom: #bd003e 10px solid; background-color: #ffffff; background-image: url(http://i739.photobucket.com/albums/xx40/tippykazoo/Caution/24o0v2t.png);] [atrb=width,400] a bit of peace, a bit of love a bit of something left behind The fear that Samson would leave her for some reason was never ending. And that was the saddest thing. Because she could not control it. What if something that none of them could control and one of them should leave the other one? She knew that it was awful to have such thoughts in mind, but she could not simply stop it. It was getting over her and that was making her fear even more. She did not want to hurt him; she did not want anyone of them to feel hurt, but it was happening and she did not know what to do, how the get away from the whole situation. And she hated it, as much as a person like Siana Zhekova could feel hate. She was looking at Samson and was calling down curses on herself. The man pressed his hand against the car, and Siana instinctively held her breath and closed her eyes – he did not do it aggressively, but it called too many and too bad memories that Charlie left to her as if they were scars all over both her skins and mind. She opened her mouth, but did not say anything – if she did, her voice would appear too shaking and that would be too embarrassing. She did not want Samson to forget all those twelve years of marriage he had with Delilah. That would be ridiculous. But only if Siana knew him as much as his ex-wife did… Everything would not be so stressing now. Siana should have known his intentions even before he bought his first pack of cigarettes. It did not matter for how long he was smoking, even if it was just since yesterday – she should have guessed it, she should have even smell it. Yes, the distance was taking its part here, but it was not an excuse. Samson looked up again and stared at the woman. She could not see any other choice, so she looked at him, too. His words were probably the most appropriate ones he could use to fix the crack between them that had opened tonight. Siana remained speechless wondering how it was possible for her to meet a man that could read all her thoughts – something which expression she had problems with, and it was too hard to fight both herself and him. She loved him. Oh, Lord, she loved him way more than she had expected to. And she did not regret it. But there was nothing that could assure her that she would never do it. The fear was not bigger than her love for him, but it was bigger than herself, and it was making her feel both angry and desperate. And then again Samson left her breathless. “You are the love of my life, Siana.” Her eyes widened against to him. She was not shocked, because this is exactly what she wanted and even more had the need to hear. Love was not a competition, and she knew it really well, but as a woman she wanted to hear that she was loved, that she was worth it. Shivers passed through her body again when Samson kissed her forehead. That was it – that was the best he could do and it was all. Everything else depended on Siana – her own thoughts, her own actions and feelings.. they were all hers. She looked up at him, trying to heal the wounds she had opened by being boundlessly honest. “I am sorry, Samson,” she murmured. She seemed truly tired. Mostly of herself. “I just love you so much and…” Siana looked down at her shoes, leaning on the Subaru. “I don’t want to lose you. And I’m scared.” More than he or anyone else could imagine. tag: LAM/SAMSON <3 word count: 626 outfit: CLICK notes: *sniffs*

[/td][/tr][/table]

template by tippy of caution.

[/center]

[Deleted]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r71/maggiesrpstuff/BACKGROUNDS/ea5ncojpg.png); width: 420px; padding-top: 10; padding-bottom: 10; border: #363636 solid 2px;] [div style="background-image:url(http://i391.photobucket.com/albums/oo358/lamchop_/tumblr_mh5ux0zhiu1qaubbdo1_500.gif); height: 180; width: 400; font-size: 0; background: -moz-linear-gradient(bottom, #d5d2d2, rgba(255,255,255,0), rgba(0,0,0,0)), url(http://i1235.photobucket.com/albums/ff430/lamchopp_/400x250.jpg);[br"]-webkit-mask-image: -webkit-gradient(linear, left top, left bottom, from(rgba(0,0,1,1)), to(rgba(0,0,0,0)));]hi

[/div]

the lightning strike,

It was natural for them to fear losing each other, but Samson knew the problem with such a qualm: it had a tendency to pull two people apart. If they allowed their worries to consume them, they would never get anywhere. Each day, he wondered how he could strike out and earn the love of a woman so kind and beautiful. The truth was that he hadn't done a thing in his life to earn her. She was no prize. It was her choice to stay by his side. It would never make sense to him, not in a million years, but he was irrevocably in love with someone who loved him just as much, if not more -- which he believed was impossible. It was cheesy, but he never thought she'd find him or vice versa. Now that they were together, the thought of losing her made him feel sick to his stomach. That was why his hand was on the car. He needed to control himself from becoming a wretch. Her words were all that mattered, and all she could talk about was Delilah? It pained him. It tore him up, piece by piece.

He had no idea how women could do that. After being with someone for twelve years, he thought women could be no better. Siana was supposed to be different, and he wasn't angry with her for falling to it, but females had a skill of making small matters into much larger ones. An argument about his addiction to cigarettes had somehow transformed into a terrible arms race between Siana and Delilah. Was it that difficult to see that the two were on different levels? He wished he could somehow show Siana that there was nothing on the planet that Delilah could do to take him away from her. In fact, one of his worst fears was that Delilah would weasel her way into Siana's life and dissuade her from marrying him. It was his plan, after all -- having Siana as his wife was the only thing in his life that could fulfill his every wish. It seemed like it would make all of his troubles melt away, even if it wasn't fair to put that responsibility on her. His every move was controlled by the look on her face.

Siana wanted to put up walls between her body and his. He knew that feeling because it was what he fought every day. He wanted to build a wall between them because, regardless of how easy it was for Sam to trust others, nothing made him believe that another woman could make his life what he had wanted fifteen years ago. Before Delilah stepped into his perfect athletic career, before he was injured and left behind, before he became a director, he had wanted a simple love: one marriage, a few kids, a nice house that looked similar to his parents'. He wanted nothing complicated, nothing hurtful, and he certainly hadn't wanted someone like Delilah to blow in like a hurricane. He still loved her, and he knew he always would, but it wasn't like what he felt for Siana. She sustained him. She was his sun; Delilah was his nicotine. Maybe that was the part of his old-new addiction that frightened Siana most. It was a throwback, one connection to the past that made him drift further from Siana's side. He knew better, though, and nothing could tear him from her grasp.

“I am sorry, Samson,” she murmured. Her hint of an accent always made him smile. She looked so lost for words. In a way, it was something to smile about. "Shhh," he hushed. He leaned his forehead upon hers, wishing she wouldn't drop her pride so quickly. She was too good to him, too forgiving. "I'm sorry. I am." He realized in that moment that this was their first real argument. It was a good thing that they weren't throwing things at each other; he used to have those fights with someone in a past life. "You won't lose me," he reassured her, taking her hand and kissing it. He wanted to kiss every inch of her he could touch at the moment. "If you were to leave me, I would lose it all. I'm a fool for you. Everything I do, every muscle I move, is yours. This demon I have," he mentioned, referring to the cigarettes in his glove compartment, "can be diminished. I'm begging for your patience." He needed her more than he ever had, and he felt like this was the first and most complete catharsis between them.

tagged: neg as siana zhekova <3 words: 771 notes: Close soon? I'm afraid we'll go on and ruin the beauty of the last few moments. <3

[/center][/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table]

THIS TEMPLATE WAS MADE BY WILMETTA OF CAUTION.

[/center]

[Deleted]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 420px; border-top: #bd003e 8px solid; border-bottom: #bd003e 10px solid; background-color: #ffffff; background-image: url(http://i739.photobucket.com/albums/xx40/tippykazoo/Caution/24o0v2t.png);] [atrb=width,400] a bit of peace, a bit of love a bit of something left behind Siana was looking straight into Samson’s eyes still wondering how this man could do something so amazing to her – she had an emotionally burning personality, but she was feeling way calmer being around him. If she had the same conversation with someone else, for example, Charlie, she would have probably be throwing things, and screaming, and crying, and wanting to run away, and probably really running away. It would have been an ugly picture, looking like a real fight between two people. This argument she had with Samson was on a way different level, though. He gave her chance to speak, to say out loud her opinion on the current situation; he listened to her, and then he tried to understand her – and, oh, he did. All these were things that Charlie had never been doing to Siana, or to anybody else in his life. And this made her realize that she did not have the right to compare Samson to Charlie. Just like Samson did not compare her to Delilah. Bearing in mind that this was the first controversy between Siana and Sam, it was something new to her. She knew well that her excuse was not going to wash away everything that had been said, but at the same time she was not feeling sorry for saying the words she said. They presented her thoughts – or her fears, to be clearer – and she did not want to hide anything from Samson. It still hurt like hell that he had hidden that from her, though. Why did not he tell her? She wanted to be his stronghold in his hardest times. She wanted Samson to look up to her and share with her, when he needed help or simply had the need to talk to someone. About anything. Siana wanted him to know that she was strong enough to take care for him. She was just not strong enough to fight herself, when she was wrapped up in her own fears. Siana did not want to lose Samson. That was probably her biggest fear, and although she knew that the biggest enemy of people was not hate, but it was fear, she just could not fight it. Because fear made people do things they would not do otherwise. She loved him more than she had planned to, and even if their relationship had its quirks, they were too small, and she did not regret it. She was sure that she would never leave his side, and she knew as well that he would not do it too, but that this fear was blurring her mind, her consciousness and she was doing things and saying words that she did not want to do or say. Samson was begging her for her patience, and if that was what he wanted and needed, she would give it to him. Siana nodded lightly at first, but then more confident. If that was the only way she could help him, she would give her best. She felt a sudden urge to grab the back of cigarettes and throw it away in front of his eyes, but she knew that was not right. If being patient and standing by his side was the right way she could help Samson, she would do it. These thoughts were passing through her mind, and she was repeating them again and again preventing herself from saying something else that would hurt him - both of them – even more than her previous words. She did not want to hurt him. Siana breathed in silently, and then sighed quietly convincing herself that she could be helpful in anyway Samson wanted her to be. She had to be strong… Siana slipped her hand into Samson’s hand looking straight into his eyes. The night now could continue to its plan. They were together now; they have never been apart anyway. There was a difference, though – they were together now, and they could be strong together. They were. tag: LAM/SAMSON <3 word count: 664 outfit: CLICK notes: FINITO!

[/td][/tr][/table]

template by tippy of caution.

[/center]