TIME TO SAY GOODBYE

[desiree]

veduto e vissuto con te adesso sui li vivro con te partiro

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i54.tinypic.com/2vafwqd.jpg), border: solid #ffffff 5px; width: 400px; height: 700px;] Confusion. Being unable to think with clarity or act with understanding and intelligence. Confusion was the word that could most easily describe how Desiree had been feeling lately. Desiree was so used to having everything under control that it seemed so out of place for her to not know how to act. She never had to experience the feeling of panic when one doesn’t know what to do. Of course, her problems had yet again been brought on by the male gender. She was no feminist. She was no man-hater. She was just so confused by how they made her feel. She blamed nothing on them and everything on herself. That theme however was not new to her. She had always blamed herself and no one else. When she was angry she would profess her hatred for people and that everything they did was wrong and their own fault, but when it came to later that night the tables had turned. Desiree could tell how she felt to the only person she trusted; herself. And tell she did. The Desiree people saw and the Desiree she showed herself when she was alone were two very different people. It wasn’t something she was proud of, nor was it something she could stop. Desiree had always blamed herself for the bad things that happened to her. She didn’t know why. She didn’t ever have a real reason to, but that hadn’t made any difference. She liked to say it was because of her mother, but then she would make an excuse saying her mother couldn’t be there because of her. Logically, that didn’t make a lick of sense and she knew it, but the idea of blaming someone else instead of her tended to be something that she couldn’t ever bear to do. She never used to have this problem as much, but it had just been buried she realized. When Greg finally made her realize that she was human and she could make mistakes she started to feel the need to carry the weight of all of the mistakes. She wasn’t angry at him anymore. She realized she had made a mistake and it was time to move on, but she still couldn’t help but think about it when she was alone. She liked the familiarity of one person. She didn’t want the club scene. She didn’t want the random guys that wanted her. She wanted the same person that she knew she could always go to. She hated that she wanted something like that. She wanted to be like she had been in high school, not really giving two fucks about anything. Though she supposed that as she aged she was supposed to mature a bit as well. She wasn’t happy about it, but she knew a bit more maturity couldn’t hurt her. She was still young and had plenty of time to do whatever she wanted, but the problem was that even now she acted like she was 18. She wasn’t feeling so well today. She hadn’t slept too good the night before. It was a while since she’d slept very well. She did much better when there was someone with her. It probably didn’t help that that morning before she had talked to Nix about her and Taiko and how she felt and how she was sure he didn’t feel. She didn’t want to think about it anymore, so to avoid it she left the house when she got up. She got ready and dressed, of course, but she wasted no time leaving and heading out to the coffee shop, kitten in purse, standing in line and finally getting her caramel mocha and a cup of water and sitting outside of the shop at one of the small round tables. She pulled the little collared kitten out of the bag and sat her down on her table, putting one end of the small leash on her wrist so she wouldn’t lose her. “And how is my Oreo, huh?” She sat down the small cup of water and watched as Oreo drank from it.

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WORDS; 687 TAG; taiko! OUTFIT

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[TAIKO ASH BRENNER]

Alarm clocks didn’t exist in Taiko’s world. On most days he slept in his queen sized bed until he felt hungry enough to get something to eat. Whenever he had appointments he just hoped his internal clock got him up in time to make it. And if he was late, oh well. Taiko wasn’t necessarily someone that required a lot of sleep or preferred to sleep over getting up and being productive. He was a night owl, always up late doing God knows what and coming home in the wee hours of the morning. After late night partying he’d come home and crash, maybe getting four to six hours of sleep, then get up and do some work. Somehow he managed to function on his unhealthy sleeping habits. There were days when he felt like he could sleep all day, but with a little bit of cocaine in his system, the young designer felt invincible, that sleep was merely for the weak. Instead of drinking coffee or energy drinks like most people, Taiko snorted the expensive white powder to give him the extra boost. When he was high he felt like he could accomplish anything and actually managed to focus better.

But on this particular morning, Taiko managed to get up feeling somewhat refreshed. He hadn’t partied the night before, but had taken a redeye from New York to LA. He was in town to meet with a few designers and bring some pieces back to New York for some of his clients. He rolled out of his hotel room bed and trudged into the bathroom. It took him a little while to get ready as he had to keep up his skin care regiment, brush his teeth, and do his hair. He might have been a lazy bastard at times, but he recognized the importance of looking good, especially since his lack of sleep wore on his appearance. It was his face after all that had opened the doors for his future in fashion. He threw on a pair of grey skinny jeans and a black military style button down. After rolling up the sleeves he threw on a grey vest and laced up black Chuck Taylors on his feet. He grabbed his messenger bag that held his tablet and his drugs and was out the door, on a mission to find some food before his first meeting.

Lately, Taiko had been spending more time in Los Angeles than usual. The last time he’d spent this much time in LA was when he’d been dating his deceased ex-girlfriend. He could see a similar pattern starting to form in his relationship with Desiree and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Lately, spending time with the blonde model slash actress had been a highlight of his most recent trips to the west coast. She was phenomenal in the bed room and they seemed to share similar taste in that regard, but she was also fun and feisty, definitely a breath of fresh air from the girls he was used to. Taiko tried to put Desiree out of his mind as he walked out of the hotel lobby and onto the street. He felt a little guilty about not telling her that he’d come to LA. He wasn’t necessarily trying to avoid her, but being with her clouded his judgment. He was never one to worry much about his relationships; he just went with the flow. However, lately he was feeling a little overwhelmed by his feelings or lack thereof. He wasn’t even sure what was going on in his head and thought it was best to just ignore it.

Taiko wasn’t like a lot of men out there. He wasn’t afraid of commitment in the sense that most men were. He’d been in long term relationships before, but his significant other never got away without getting hurt. Taiko was lazy and selfish and never put in the effort to keep his relationships passionate and when he got bored he ended up hurting the people he supposedly loved. He swore of relationships for years before Molly came along but she’d died while their relationship was still fresh. Taiko even wondered if her death was some sort of sick sign that meant he wasn’t supposed to be in a relationship, that God had taken her away from him before he could hurt her. Part of him felt like these thoughts were pointless because he wasn’t even sure how Desiree felt, if she felt anything at all. He walked into a café that appeared to serve lunch and was seated at a table for one. He buried his head in the menu trying to figure out what he wanted to eat. When he looked up his eyes fell on an adorable kitten. He might have been an asshole, but he still had a heart. The owner of the kitten was none other than Desiree herself. “Hey,” he said, clearing his throat and deciding that it would have been more awkward to ignore her sitting only one table away.

846 words. I'll make this pretty later.