IT'S DYNAMITE. *

[nicolette]

nicolette had not had a great past couple of months. she knew that she was to blame for it, too, so she could not just say that it was someone else's fault because she knew damn well that it was not. she didn't know how to tell people no and she could not seem to turn away from people who gave her attention. she did not mean to always set herself up in these kinds of situations, it just kind of happened. right now she was feeling bad about things with luke. they didn't have sex or anything, but it was obvious that had luke not said something to stop it all it would have gone there. she knew damn well that he was involved in some way with jules and that she was being a stupid skank for even allowing anything to go on. she was thankful that luke was smart enough to stop it all. she was not mad at him at all. she was actually really fucking proud of him for stopping it before it got farther than it did. she knew that she would not have, even though she knew it was wrong. she did not like turning away the attention and luke was her friend. she just could not do it, as much as she needed to.

it was just like how it was with ace. she knew that it was wrong that she was letting the whole affair go on for more than a year even though he was married and significantly older than her. she always told herself that she was going to stop it, but she just could not seem to tell him no. it wasn't until they had pretty much almost gotten caught that she said that it was going to end soon, but of course, it did not end soon enough and she found herself getting caught by someone she considered one of her best friends. it was embarrassing and she wished it had not have happened, but it did and there was not anything that she could do to change it. she could not go back in time, so she had to deal with it now and try and change and stop herself from getting herself into those situations again, since after all it seems that she is like a magnet to those kinds of things. as much as she tried to stay away from them, it never worked. it's just like her trying to have some kind of moral sex, it never works. never has, and probably never would.

she did not tell luke that she was going to be stopping by. in fact, she never even told him he was in new york. all she had done was text him and they had a normal conversation and she asked what he was up to and he said he was just home, chilling. she decided that was as good a time as ever to go and talk to him. she was staying at her mom's house for her sister's birthday party and got dressed and made her way over to where she knew that he lived. she was a little nervous, that was no lie, but she knew that she had to just get over what had happened before and things needed to get back to normal. or well, the normal that it should be. not the normal for them, no, that was bad. she went up to his door and knocked softly, figuring he probably was not expecting anyone to be there.

words. 610
tagged. luuuuke!
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credit. me

[luke]

luke was an asshole. he was, and he knew it. he wasn't able to tell jules that he wanted to date her, and he wasn't able to tell nicolette that he was an involved man. well, he had, but not before they'd done a little more than he'd care to admit. the thing with luke was that he never set out to hurt anyone. he never intentionally tried to hurt a girl, never told her something only to tell her that he was lying later on, or to lead her on just to watch her heart break when he broke it off. that wasn't what luke wanted--he was just a bit of a dog. he couldn't help himself when he was around beautiful women, and he just never really knew what he wanted. by all means, nicolette was a gorgeous girl. she had a smoking hot body, a beautiful smile, lovely blue eyes. if luke had no conscience at all, he would have taken her to bed in an instant. but because he was getting so hung up on jules, he'd had to end it before they went too far.

and the fucked up thing was that luke knew this wasn't the first time this situation had happened to nic. and he knew that it wasn't exactly fun to be the other woman. if he were to tell the truth, luke would say that he really did care for nic, because he did and he couldn't say that he cared for jules more, but he was trying to make things work right now with her and didn't want to mess that up. but still, how awful did he feel for doing this to nic again? so much so that he hadn't had a good high in a couple of weeks or so. luke had smoked a bowl here and there but couldn't seem to enjoy it like he used to, so ridden with guilt his conscience was. was there any way to make it up to nic, for fucking her over so badly? he knew that she didn't blame him--that she blamed herself--but luke couldn't help but feel that it was also his fault for letting things get this far. he knew that she didn't turn down attention and while that was no fault of her own, it just meant that it was much easier for luke to think about cheating.

today, he was lazing about his house, no direction for the day clear. he figured he might get up and go out to the park, clear his head. maybe smoke a bowl or two, write in his journal or take some pictures. watch a movie. nothing really held much joy lately, since things had gotten so confusing. luke had mostly been keeping to himself. no parties, no clubs, no social gatherings. it was kind of depressing. when luke heard a knock on his door, he perked up a bit. who would be visiting him? opening the door, he saw a very blonde, los angeles girl standing there. his first instinct when he saw nic was not to be awkward, but instead to hug her. after all, she was a long way from home, and standing on his doorstep! what were the odds? picking her up into a hug, luke spun her around once and set her back down. "what are you doing here, nic?" he asked, a sincere smile gracing his features, something that had not happened in a while.

[nicolette]

nicolette tried to say that she was not one of those girls who had a hard time just being friends with the male gender, but she knew that she was. she had a bad habit of getting just a little too close to her guy friends. she did, of course, have a few that she had not done anything with. okay, that makes her seem like some huge slut, but she's counting kissing along with this because in reality she really hasn't slept with that many people, just five people, only that sounds bad because that is in a span of only four years. she'd actually like to pretend that two of those never happened, just because it was so fucking terrible. nobody even knew about the first, being jack bailey, and only lucia knew about the most recent, being ace edwards, although there are still people who think she was sleeping with him, but nobody knows for sure except lucia, which she really would have rather not have figured out. she knew though, that it was better for someone to have found out about her and ace than for someone to have found out about her and jack. she would not even know what the hell to do if someone found out about that.

she did not like to dwell on things like that because it usually ended badly. she was bad at keeping her emotions inside and you could usually read them on her face as plain as day. it was a big problem because people always wanted to know why she was so upset and if she was to tell them then it would not go over well. she always had to make up something and it was never as big of a thing as what she was really thinking about so she just seemed like she was overreacting all the time. she really was not trying to overreact to things and was not trying to dwell on the things that she has done wrong in the past. she liked to try and think about the future and making things better than they had been, but the problem with that is that she keeps seeming to find herself in situations where history repeats itself. apparently old habits die hard, even those habits that she hated to admit she had. those habits being immoral sexual acts.

she planned on none of that business happening tonight, though. she just planned on having a nice time with luke just hanging out. there was no set plan that she had when going about this, but she figured it would not be too difficult for them to figure out something to do. the pair of them were interesting enough people. she couldn't help but giggle when he lifted her and spun her around. that was always something that she liked. that was probably because her father always had done that too. she smirked when he spoke, "well, then i'll just be going if you don't want me here!" she giggled a bit more and invited herself in, just stepping inside. "i'm here for my sister's birthday. i thought i'd come and visit you." she grinned.

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tagged. luuuuke!
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[luke]

luke had girl friends. he had girlfriends. he had girls who were friends with benefits. but as of late, it had been hard to distinguish which one of those nicolette was to him. at first, they'd fooled around, had sex. then he'd gotten involved with jules, and they would flirt here and there. then things got confusing when he visited her in LA. the lines had been blurred and luke wasn't sure where they stood--and he knew that it was his fault. he'd let it get that far, he'd ultimately led her on to think that he wanted something more from her. well, he did. physically. but emotionally, he couldn't put jules, nic, or himself through that ordeal. it wasn't fair to either of the lovely ladies, and he knew that stopping it before anything happened would end up hurting but also be the best thing for them in the long run. he just hoped that nicolette didn't hate him for doing what he did.

it didn't feel like luke--you know, to have second thoughts about anything. if he had a dollar for every time he'd unintentionally hurt a girl and not worried about it, moved on with life and broken someone else's heart, luke would be able to retire. he'd just never had the conscience to think that girls might get attached to him, that girls would want to be with him, or that he might want something more from a girl than just a good time in bed. but now that all of this was happening, he was beginning to realize how his actions affected others' feelings. when he sweet talked another girl, jules got upset. when he talked about jules to nic, she didn't seem to like it. luke wasn't used to noticing these types of things, much less caring about them, or trying to change them, so you can imagine how difficult it must be for him to sort out his feelings for two different women. up until a couple months ago, there were only a couple feelings that luke was familiar with: lust, happiness, anger, and hunger. that was it, really. now he was starting to feel guilt, remorse, sadness, and a longing to be better for people. what the fuck was happening to him?

luke had a bit more pep in his step when nic arrived and was excited that he actually had something to look forward to today. "that's awesome," he commented, shutting the door behind her. typically with people he felt comfortable around, luke let them have free reign of his apartment. pointing to the fridge in the kitchen and motioning around the house. "food, bathroom, living room, computer," he told her, giving her a brief tour. leaping over the back of the couch and seating himself on its squishy and accommodating cushion, luke looked back at nicolette. "so what would you like to do today, nicola?" looking around the room, there weren't many things to do that they could entertain themselves with. the large and ornate bond he'd received as a gift from an ex-girlfriend was still sitting out, fresh with a new pinch of weed. he had a couple of video games on a few different consoles, but he wasn't sure what nicolette felt like doing. to be honest, he would be okay with just hanging out and talking, especially in light of everything that had happened.

[nicolette]

nicolette was not someone who could ever keep a significant other. that had been a problem that she had been having since the beginning of high school, when her beauty finally started to come out. Though, she had that problem for different reasons then than she did now. she used to have trouble keeping a boyfriend because she was never the girl who put out so guys got frustrated. that problem, was of course solved by her calculus teacher, jack. after that the only problem she had keeping a boyfriend was because she was a very flirty girl and did not know how to stop flirting with people. she liked the attention that she got from people when she flirted with them and they flirted right back at her. not only did she have a lot of trouble keeping people close to her, but she had a lot of trouble getting them close to her. most people hear things about her and automatically assume that she is the kind of girl who did not commit to people. it was because she was so flirty and open with people. she knew that was what was holding her back, but it was not really something that she was even willing to change.

nicolette knew that luke thought that she would expect something from him, something emotionally. that, though, was untrue. she never expected anything anymore, especially not after the flip flop shit she went through with vince, who was probably one of the only people she had ever expected to get anything from emotionally. that was not the only reason, though. she knew that luke was emotionally tied to someone else and she really did not feel any emotional attachment to him, other than the friendship kind of bond they had. she knew that they were nothing more than friends and did not want to change that. she liked having him as a friend and did not really think she even could care for him as anything other than just that. it was not that there was something wrong with him or anything, it was just that she knew who she was and who he was and knew that it would end in utter disaster, and she had enough of those lately. most of her problems, though, were physical and not emotional. she knew that there was no emotional connected between her and ace, and that it was simply the physical attraction that held the pair to continue their affair.

nicolette had heard that the boy had been a bit down in the dumps lately for whatever reason. she figured that it had something to do with her and one particular event that happened when he was visiting in LA. she felt terrible for that, as well. she giggled at his little tour, if you could call it that. she sat herself down next to him and pulled her knees to her chest, grinning, though choosing to walk around the couch. "well, it's been said that you've been in a shitty mood lately, so let's do whatever makes you happy!" she was on a mission now, and what was that mission? that mission was to simply make luke happy. she hated it when anyone was sad, and especially when it was someone that she was so close to, and that she had caused it.

words. none.
tagged. luuuuke!
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notes. aww.
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[luke]

luke was beginning to...what was the word? mature? he was starting to understand the feelings of other creatures besides himself, especially women. he'd taken a giant leap when he'd stopped himself from being with nic in LA, and he needed to take another one and try to commit to jules. if he could. he just wasn't sure what was worse--leading jules on to think he wanted to be with her and then breaking it off, or actually wanting to be with her and getting together, then breaking her heart. he knew heartbreak was inevitable on her part (because come on, this is luke garza we're talking about) and he wanted to spare her as much pain as he could. was there really any way to do that in this situation? probably not. it was going to hurt either way, and it might end up hurting more if he kept dragging this out. and aside from all of that, what had he done to nic? luke was fairly certain she wasn't looking for anything emotional out of him, but it didn't matter if you were looking for a fuck or for a friend, it always hurt to be rejected no matter what the reason. because sure, he flirted with a lot of girls and he tended to whore himself out but it didn't make it any less hurtful when a girl told him they weren't interested. he could only imagine what it felt like to be rejected by someone you were actually close to.

his bad mood and his being upset didn't have a lot to do with nic, because he didn't blame her. luke was more upset with himself for dicking around and not knowing what to do about the situation. he'd let it get so far that he'd hurt nic, that he'd hurt jules, and now he was hurting himself. that was truly the only reason he'd been down lately, and he hoped nic didn't think it was her fault for his bad mood. if anything, seeing her had brightened up his day--no, his week--significantly. "hmm," he said, rubbing the five o'clock shadow that had appeared on his chin. "let's lie around and watch a movie!" lying around didn't sound that appealing to anyone, obviously. to luke, it was his comfort zone. if he was able to laze about and just talk, it meant that he was comfortable with that person. to not have to constantly be occupied with something and to actually be able to enjoy someone else's company was a rare thing for luke, and he relished the times that he was given. this was one of those times, because he liked being around nicolette. she joked with him, laughed with him, listened to him, talked to him. she was one of the rare exceptions to his "hit it and quit it" rule and he was glad of it.

"okay," luke said, stretching himself out along the couch. "you pick out a movie--" he pointed to the collection just below the TV, "and i'll take care of the lying around." laughing a bit, he rolled himself off the couch and went over to the movies, signaling for nic to come over too. "ladies' choice of movies today. pick what you want and we will watch it." luke, being a cinematographer, was a bit of a movie snob. he had a particular taste in movies and he kept his movie collection pruned to his preferences. for example, most people loved the movie avatar. luke, however, saw it as a thinly veiled replica of his favorite childhood film, ferngully. they were basically the same story, with the exception of james cameron's gratuitous use of CGI and luke didn't see what the big hype was. sure, the effects were dazzling. sure, the movie won a lot of awards. but at the end of the day, it was still just ferngully on steroids. that was luke's opinion anyway, and he tended to not have movies like that in his possession unless it was for a professional purpose.