Whispers On a Page .xoxo. Mikaela's Journal

[MIKAELA JHENÉ MENENDEZ]

Table of Contents will go here

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[atrb=cellspacing,15,true][atrb=cellpadding,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 470px; background: url(http://i.imgur.com/DhinN.jpg); top-padding: 20px; box-shadow: 5px 5px 5px #777777, btable][STYLE=font-family: 'Just Me Again Down Here', cursive; font-size: 40px; letter-spacing: -3px; color: #FF196E; text-shadow: 1px 1px 1px #000000; letter-spacing: -1px;]Saturday January 17th, 2004[/style]

[STYLE=width: 400px; font-family: 'Just Me Again Down Here', cursive; color: #000000; padding-left: 15px; padding-bottom: 10px; font-size: 19px; line-height: 12px;]I did it. I fucking did it. Well we did it. My dance team won the gold at regionals and we are advancing to nationals. All of those nights of swollen ankles and blistered feet, hours of getting yelled at by Missy, it was all worth it. And I know we have a real shot at winning nationals, though the teams on the west coast are always really good. The competition is in Chicago which is SO AWESOME. They have some interesting schools that I want to check out the finding a decent dance program is never easy. Though sometimes I’m not even sure if that’s what I really want to do. I really love acting and I know I’m good at it. I just can’t decide what I love more, what I should do to make a living. Or maybe I should just scrap all of that together and take up a practical job. Maybe become a teacher like my mom? She’d kill me if she heard me say that, seeing how teachers get paid shit these days. I know she wants me to do whatever makes me happy but she also wants me to make comfortable living. Most dancers and actresses don’t. I don’t know. That’s a few years off. Of course, my dad was nowhere to be found today. I left the ticket for him at will call just as he’d asked. He never came to pick it up and when I tried calling him his phone went straight to voicemail. I’m really getting tired of this shit. Like, don’t say you’re going to do something and then bail… I’d much rather him be upfront and tell me that he’s not coming than lying to me like this. I’m sorta used to it, but it still hurts. I just don’t get it, you know? Why not come? It’s not like you’re busy…I know he’s working some lame ass job. I really try not to care but I can’t help it. Whatever. He’s not getting a ticket for Nationals. Not that he’d show up anyway. I’ll probably try to get it to one of my aunt’s or something. My mom would really like that. I know she hates seeing me upset when it comes to my dad so I try to put on a brave face for her. But it’s about time I got over it anyway. I have bigger things to worry about. My AP exams are approaching and rehearsals for ‘Chicago’ start next week. I barely have time to breathe much less time to worry about that asshole. He’s lucky he has me. That’s why my mom says. And she’s right. I am a fucking high honor student, participating in a laundry list of extra curriculars, and kicking ass at it all. Call me cocky, but I’m pretty boss. If my dad can’t appreciate that, then fuck him, right? I wish it were that easy. [/style]

[STYLE=font: normal 10px courier new; margin-top: -16px;]created by the lion of BTN and OTE[/style]

[MIKAELA JHENÉ MENENDEZ]

[atrb=cellspacing,15,true][atrb=cellpadding,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 470px; background: url(http://i.imgur.com/DhinN.jpg); top-padding: 20px; box-shadow: 5px 5px 5px #777777, btable][STYLE=font-family: 'Just Me Again Down Here', cursive; font-size: 40px; letter-spacing: -3px; color: #FF196E; text-shadow: 1px 1px 1px #000000; letter-spacing: -1px;]Thursday November 9th, 2006[/style]

[STYLE=width: 400px; font-family: 'Just Me Again Down Here', cursive; color: #000000; padding-left: 15px; padding-bottom: 10px; font-size: 19px; line-height: 12px;]I am sitting in detention and when my mother finds out she is going to kill me. I’m lucky though. This could be a lot worse. I’m surprised I’m not suspended considering how strict the assistant principal usually is. See, what had happened was…I’ve been dating Michael going on six months now. It’s no secret. The entire senior class knows. So tell me why this heifer wants to grab up on my man like she doesn’t see me standing behind her AND THEN has the NERVE to tell me that she didn’t know we were together. Then she starts talking some mess about how she was a better girlfriend because of some shit about their sex life that I wasn’t even trying to hear. BITCH!!!! Better believe I clocked her right in the mouth. And I’d do it again. Kasey hasn’t been with Michael in over a year. So tell me WHY her fast ass decided to try me today? I decked her twice before she swung at me and scratched my face. Now I have a scratch going down my left eye. I freakin look like Scar from the Lion King. I won’t lie; it looks all kinds of intimidating and badass, but I know it’s not permanent. Mr. Kendall, the assistant principle, came waddling out of his office when he heard all the commotion. Of course a group of students had gathered around us because that’s what people do in high school (sooo over it. Get a life). We both had to go to his office and Kasey cried. YES! SHE CRIED! I’m assuming that’s why we didn’t get a harsher punishment. So I have to sit here until 6pm (it’s only 2), missing cheer and part of dance practice. I suppose I could do some homework or whatever but I was so pissed off that I had to write something. I’m lucky that I’m such a good student or I’d get in trouble more. I’m sure of it. My grades kick ass but I have a problem staying out of arguments with a lot of the girls in my year. I’m fine most of the time. I’m just easily irritated and people can be so damn stupid. Thank God I only have one more semester of this bullshit then it’s off to college. I start hearing about my acceptances in a few months. [/style]

[STYLE=font: normal 10px courier new; margin-top: -16px;]created by the lion of BTN and OTE[/style]

[MIKAELA JHENÉ MENENDEZ]

[atrb=cellspacing,15,true][atrb=cellpadding,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 470px; background: url(http://i.imgur.com/DhinN.jpg); top-padding: 20px; box-shadow: 5px 5px 5px #777777, btable][STYLE=font-family: 'Just Me Again Down Here', cursive; font-size: 40px; letter-spacing: -3px; color: #FF196E; text-shadow: 1px 1px 1px #000000; letter-spacing: -1px;]Monday May 21st, 2007[/style]

[STYLE=width: 400px; font-family: 'Just Me Again Down Here', cursive; color: #000000; padding-left: 15px; padding-bottom: 10px; font-size: 19px; line-height: 12px;]I graduated from high school yesterday. It was bittersweet. I didn’t really know what I would feel after walking across the stage. Perhaps just a sense of accomplishment. What else do you feel when you graduate in the top 5% of your class while having participated in sports and the arts? I knew it was coming. It wasn’t like I ever feared flunking out or some shit. And I was ready to move on to the next part of my life. So I probably should’ve felt excited and anxious. But I wasn’t thinking about my future or going to college. All I could think about was hugging my dad. He actually came. He was there in the audience with my mom and my aunt and uncle and one of my cousins. I couldn’t believe it. And he wasn’t even late. I saw him in the crowd during the processional holding up a camcorder, videotaping me with a smile on his face. I didn’t even know he owned one of those things. After the ceremony was over and I found everyone outside, he hugged me and told me that he was proud of me. It was good to finally hear that. I didn’t even think he was paying attention to what I was doing in high school. Maybe he wasn’t. But at that point I didn’t care. What mattered was that he was there then. HE EVEN PAID FOR DINNER! Someone pinch me. And I don’t want to get my hopes up, thinking that he’ll be around more now. I won’t be that stupid. This isn’t the first time he’s randomly acknowledged an accomplishment and then disappeared. I feel kinda stupid for getting excited because I think I know what’s coming. But I can’t really help it. I’m living in the moment. And I think things have the potential to change. Call me crazy, but things feel a little different this time. [/style]

[STYLE=font: normal 10px courier new; margin-top: -16px;]created by the lion of BTN and OTE[/style]

[MIKAELA JHENÉ MENENDEZ]

[atrb=cellspacing,15,true][atrb=cellpadding,0,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 470px; background: url(http://i.imgur.com/DhinN.jpg); top-padding: 20px; box-shadow: 5px 5px 5px #777777, btable][STYLE=font-family: 'Just Me Again Down Here', cursive; font-size: 40px; letter-spacing: -3px; color: #FF196E; text-shadow: 1px 1px 1px #000000; letter-spacing: -1px;]Friday November 13th, 2009[/style]

[STYLE=width: 400px; font-family: 'Just Me Again Down Here', cursive; color: #000000; padding-left: 15px; padding-bottom: 10px; font-size: 19px; line-height: 12px;]I don’t even know where to begin with this. Ethan put his hands on me yesterday. He hit me right across the face. It started with an argument about the same shit. I came home really late from working and went straight to my desk to start some homework. Ethan started complaining about how I’m never home and the people at work and school see me more than he does. It’s true. I don’t spend that much time at home and I don’t get to see Ethan much except right before bed. But I can’t help that. I’m doing what I can to pay for my apartment and save for my move. And now that he moved in I have an extra mouth I have to feed and higher utilities to pay. He acts like I’m out there partying. I get that my job isn’t the easiest to cope with but I told Ethan that this was something that he was going to have to get used to. He got all in my face about how I don’t respect him, talking about how I don’t respect myself. I told him that if he didn’t like it he could stop eating the food that it paid for and stop living in the apartment that it supported. He kept getting closer and closer and finally I did something that I’d never done before. I pushed him back. I pushed him hard right in his chest and told him to get a fucking job. A second barely passed after the words left my mouth before the back of his hand connected with my face. He stood there staring at me in shock like he couldn’t believe what he’d just done and I stood there looking at him in disbelief, holding my face, only there was anger in me. He grabbed me and started apologizing, even crying, saying some shit like he isn’t “that type of guy” and he doesn’t know what came over him. I don’t even remember what I said, I was so mad. I just kept pushing him away and screaming at him until he let me go. And when he did I left. I drove to campus and sat in the studio with the lights off. I ‘m not supposed to have a key, but that’s irrelevant right now. I don’t know how long I was there. All I could think about was how I put my hands on him first, that if I hadn’t done that he wouldn’t have gotten so mad. I know that he is not the type of man that would hit a woman and I feel like a statistic saying that. But it’s true. I know what it’s like to be so angry that I can’t control myself. Maybe I pushed him to that point. I obviously want him to get a job, but it’s not his fault that he can’t find one. I think yelling at him about it all the time really gets to him as a man. And I know that he’s sorry. I have never seen him like this. He cleaned the apartment and did my laundry, for Christ’s sake. When I came home there was dinner and flowers on the table and he kept apologizing. I felt bad, but I was still angry. So I ate and then I got up and left him at the table. I love him, but I honestly don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. [/style]

[STYLE=font: normal 10px courier new; margin-top: -16px;]created by the lion of BTN and OTE[/style]