ready to let go / jacqueline

[noah]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellspacing,0,true] [STYLE=width: 400px; background-color: #ebebeb; border-left: 6.5px #bb931d solid;][STYLE=float: left; margin: 10 5 0 10;][STYLE=background-color: #ebebeb; border: 10px #bb931d solid; padding: 2px; height: 80px; width: 80px;][/style][STYLE=background-color: #ebebeb; border: 10px #bb931d solid; padding: 2px; height: 80px; width: 80px;][/style][/style][STYLE=font-family: arial narrow; letter-spacing: 1px; font-size: 10.5px; text-align: justify; width: 350px; padding: 15 20 10 20; ]Noah sincerely thought he'd been doing everything right. In love with a woman from his young adulthood, he had followed through with one action that any man captivated by his life's beloved might. He settled on one knee, retrieved a velvet box from his pocket, and popped the top to reveal a jeweled ring he'd been saving for. As he stammered the faithful question, declaring his everlasting faith to Jacqueline, he had never spoken truer words. "Jacqueline Deanna Hayes, you are the light in my life. As long as I'm with you, I can be certain that nothing can ever be that bad, and I promise to love you forever no matter who or what stands in our way. Jac, will you marry me?" Three sentences was all he needed to say to bring their relationship to an end. Three sentences meant for passion and eternal loyalty was recoiled with cowardice and rejection. Their relationship had remained constantly for a couple years. She was newly twenty-something, and he was already a quarter of the way into his life at twenty-seven. He'd convinced himself that a couple years was enough to decide he wanted to be with his girlfriend for the rest of his life. Commitment wasn't something he fled from. In fact, he welcomed the tender kisses, self-assured that she was his one and only. He adored the way her hair didn't set right in the morning just after her brown eyes flickered open. He'd hold her no matter how much angst she'd accumulated from work because he'd taken on calming her as a lifetime role. Noah was more than willing to serve her day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year. Unfortunately, she wasn't. "Jac," he whimpered, "we don't have to do this." She was stuffing various items into brown cardboard boxes. Most of their belongings were shared rather than separate. Of the things she solely belonged, quick work was being made. Trinket after trinket was stuffed into boxes, cushioned with weeks-old newspapers. Shirts, pants, socks, and undergarments were just as carefully packed into separate boxes. Noah had no idea where she'd be going, but he knew where he didn't want her to go: away from him. The past few days had been a nightmare. All of his hopes and dreams for the future were shattered by a few words pieced together. She was leaving him and he didn't even know why. "Come on, Jac," he sighed. He'd never fought for a woman before. During high school, he hadn't held down any serious relationships. He'd been a quirky student, captain of the chess team, and also an avid card-gamer. He was the ultimate nerd with a geeky grin and disheveled hair to match. Earning Jacqueline's companionship had been a huge accomplishment. Dating her was something like destiny. Now, the best thing that had ever happened to him was slipping from his fingertips, and there was nothing he could do to stop her from leaving him in the dust. He was persistent in his darkest hour. If not persistent, then desperate. Desperate sounded more appropriate considering the painful throb in his chest. "We can work through this. We can wait." His desperate pleas were slowly softening as his hope was swept away. [STYLE=color: #bb931d; font-family: arial narrow; letter-spacing: 1.5px; font-size: 30px; font-style: italic; text-align: left;]so the beautiful world,[/style][STYLE=font-size: 10px; font-family: arial narrow; letter-spacing: 1px;]❚ WORDS: 549 ❚ TAGS: jacqueline deanna hayes ❚ NOTES: </3 broken hearted ❚ CREDITS: Ambassador Tanz [/style][/style][/style][/style]

[jac]

jacqueline could have had it all. she had come so close to having the perfect future, the one she had dreamed of since she was a little girl. she could have lived the rest of her life with noah, had that fairytale happy ending that might only come once in a lifetime. and she'd blown it. his sweet, heartfelt proposal had caught her off guard, something that she didn't generally like. and in the heat of the moment, she'd rejected him. all she'd been able to think about was the age difference, how this would look to all of her friends. most importantly, she was thinking about how young she was to be getting married. she still had most of her life in front of her, and she had only been in love once- with noah. how did she know that he was the one? how did she know that someone she loved more wouldn't come along in the future? she'd made a rapid decision based off of everything but the right reason: she loved him.

did she love him? the answer was easy and clear in her mind. yes, she did. she knew that she loved him. jac wouldn't have had a problem waking up to him every morning of every day, for the rest of her life. but she'd made a mistake, and there was no going back now. somehow, in her mind, she came to the conclusion that after rejecting him like that, after saying the things she'd said, she either had to stick true to her words, or didn't deserve him. it was really a combination of both. he shouldn't be marrying her, he should find someone who wasn't going to treat his heart like it was expendable, all because of what she was worried her peers might think. he should find someone who would have no negative thoughts running through her mind when he proposed. someone who wasn't like her. someone who would treat him right. even though she loved him, he was better off without her.

jac drew in a sharp breath as he pleaded with her, telling her that they didn't have to go through with this. but he didn't get it. they did have to go through with this. he'd be happier in the end. pulling a shirt, the last of her clothes from their- now his- drawers, she folded it carefully, making sure not to wrinkle the fabric before she placed it in one of the many cardboard boxes that covered their- his- bed. she'd done well so far. she hadn't cried, she'd stayed stony and cold. she could tell that it was killing him, and in turn, that killed her. but she couldn't show him that. she had to make him think that she was done, absolutely finished. there had to be no doubt in his mind that it was time to find someone new. someone better. and then maybe she'd be happier, knowing he was happy. even if that meant seeing the man he loved fall in love with another woman. it was all for him, and she had to remember that.

the second time he said her name, pleading with her to stay, telling her that they could make it work, her heart broke. she was glad her back was to him in that moment, because the pain was obvious on her face. the backs of her eyes started to prickle, tears threatening to fill up her eyes. she wouldn't let them. taking a deep breath, she set her face in a determined look. she would not lose her resolve, no matter how dangerously close she had just come. how close she still was. all she wanted was to run to him, to let him take her in his arms, to cry and apologize and beg for forgiveness. forgiveness she knew that he'd be willing to give. "i'm sorry, noah." she touched his arm, trying to make him feel better, though she knew the only thing that would make him feel better was the one thing that she wasn't going to do: stay. "i just don't think that after all of this..." she started, this obviously meaning the proposal.

and rejection.

"i don't think it's a good idea for us to live together. i think we both want different things." walking back to her boxes, she shuffled some things around so that they were less likely to break. her back was to him once more. they didn't want different things. she wanted him and he wanted her. but that was never going to happen, not after what she'd done to him. jac frowned and focused on keeping the tears at bay, knowing that if they began to fall, everything she'd worked to keep up would disappear. to hurt him like this was killing her. in high school, people had always told her she was a bitch. she'd never believed them until now.

tagged for char as noah!
wearing THIS and D; this is so sad. THE FEELS.

tell me i'm your national anthem,

[noah]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellspacing,0,true] [STYLE=width: 400px; background-color: #ebebeb; border-left: 6.5px #bb931d solid;][STYLE=float: left; margin: 10 5 0 10;][STYLE=background-color: #ebebeb; border: 10px #bb931d solid; padding: 2px; height: 80px; width: 80px;][/style][STYLE=background-color: #ebebeb; border: 10px #bb931d solid; padding: 2px; height: 80px; width: 80px;][/style][/style][STYLE=font-family: arial narrow; letter-spacing: 1px; font-size: 10.5px; text-align: justify; width: 350px; padding: 15 20 10 20; ]All of his attempts of reaching out to Jacqueline were being swatted away. None of his bait was effective on the school of fish he needed to reel in. Each net he threw out into the water was rendered useless because Jac seemed to slip through them unfazed. How could she leave him behind after everything they'd been through? How could she turn her back on the mutual admiration he thought they shared? Her initial response made little sense to begin with. Moving out rattled his mind viciously. Noah was naturally handicapped. Thought processes were further intensified by compassionate emotions. His mind was clouded with petty excuses. As far as he was concerned, he'd done something terribly wrong to drive Jacqueline away like he was. It seemed to him that she couldn't pack her boxes fast enough. Honestly, Noah didn't want to hear her apologize. Maybe a little remorse on her part might have made him feel more comfortable with her decision, but he wasn't willing to stick around and find out. He shook his head. Jacqueline couldn't be walking out of his door forever. Their connection was too strong to be tampered with. Anyone who tried might as well make time with a high-voltage fence. Noah knew their relationship was electric. His high school friends envied the bond they shared. Their credibility probably didn't count for much considering their previous statuses, but their faith meant something to him. Seeing various boxes packed on their bed contradicted the only facts Noah had been one hundred percent sure about in his life. Now that Jac was heading out, Noah wasn't sure how stable his judgment really was. "Don't say you're sorry," he begged. "Just stay." Whether she was sympathetic or not was beyond him. She'd taken to keeping her back to him. Noah knew Jac well enough to recognize a defense mechanism whenever she pulled on. Right now, tons of bells were ringing inside his hollow head. Hoped remained in a minimalistic state. Jacqueline didn't want to follow through with her initial plans. With a couple more gentle prods in the right direction, she'd realize her error and run straight into his arms. Noah knew with confident certainty that his theory was spot-on. "Stop with that nonsense, Jac," he snapped. His voice came out firmer than he normally allowed. Pressure had funky effects on people, especially Noah Davison. "I love you, Jac," he continued. His words reflected off of her formidable back. She had a wall between them that not even he knew how to overcome. "You're right. Proposing was foolish, and I'm sorry if I tried to catalyze our future together. I wouldn't take back any of what I said, though." He gulped back frivolous tears. "I had never been more sure about anything in my life until I knelt down in front of you and asked for your hand in marriage." He'd spent hours staring at his bedroom ceiling trying to pinpoint where their relationship had taken a turn for the worst. In the end, he was fitfully empty-handed. Their relationship hadn't so much as dipped in the last few months. He pulled out the velvet box for a second time and approached Jac's side. "I want you to take this ring no matter how you wear it," he murmured quietly. "I can't see myself giving it to anyone but you. Consider it my promise to be there for you, cherish you, and care for you no matter what odds we're given." [STYLE=color: #bb931d; font-family: arial narrow; letter-spacing: 1.5px; font-size: 30px; font-style: italic; text-align: left;]so the beautiful world,[/style][STYLE=font-size: 10px; font-family: arial narrow; letter-spacing: 1px;]❚ WORDS: 589 words ❚ TAGS: jacqueline deanna hayes ❚ NOTES: he's in too deep. ❚ CREDITS: Ambassador Tanz [/style][/style][/style][/style]

[jac]

she heard him ask her not to apologize. to just stay with him. she ignored him, knowing that she had no real answer to that. she would if she could, but she couldn't do that to him. force him to stay with someone forever, someone who didn't deserve him. there was a woman out there who would make him infinitely more happy than she did, and that woman would never do this to him. that woman was not jacqueline hayes. she couldn't respond, or she'd break, and everything she'd been working towards this far would be ruined. she would have lost. she refused to lose. if there was one thing she was not, it was a loser. determination swept over her, stronger than any emotion that threatened to consume her at the moment. she took a deep breath, she shook her head, pretending to busy herself with the boxes. "i just can't. i'm sorry."

a small part of her worried that if noah knew the reason that she had rejected his proposal, he would never forgive her. that was a big driving factor in her decision to move out. she could never come clean, never let him know that she'd been so stupid, so trivial, over something so important, so life changing. she froze, her hands poised over a box, as his tone changed. she hadn't seen this side of him much before. it was a new experience for her, to be sure. of course, it didn't change her opinion on him. she still loved him more than anything else, a stronger emotion than she'd ever felt before. when he told her that he loved her, shock hit her like a train going full force. the physical effect was obvious, as her back went from stick straight to slightly bent. he loved her? after all of this? "i love you, too," she said, her voice barely a whisper, before she realized what she had just said. a hand clapped over her mouth. she hadn't meant to let that slip.

she listened to his speech, silent. she couldn't say anything back. he had been right to propose. she had been the wrong one. but now what was done was done, and they were left in the aftermath, trying to piece together what had just happened and deal with the fallout. she felt like he was about to cry, and that was no good. if he cried, she would definitely cry. and to jac, letting him see her cry would be the ultimate defeat. she would have no choice. she felt him approach her, and she turned to see the small black box in his hand. he wanted her to keep the ring? she felt like she was drowning. she looked from him to the box, then back at his face. he was so good, so perfect and wonderful. he'd make someone very happy one day. she turned her attention back to the box that house the ring, the most beautiful and meaningful thing she'd ever thought she might possess. and now it wasn't hers. never would be. "i can't keep that. i don't want it."

she turned quickly, hoping that she made it in time. she didn't want him to see the obvious look of lying in her eyes. jacqueline did want it, and she wanted it badly. she'd never wanted any one thing so badly. they'd been together long enough that he could recognize her lies. she just prayed that he would slip up and miss this one. grabbing the nearest box, she turned and walked out the door, heading down the stairs and dropping it in the foyer. she could feel the tears now, starting to fill up her eyes. threatening to spill over. turning on her heel, she moved into the kitchen, bracing herself against the sink, looking out the window. a small tear trickled down, and before it could be noticed, it was wiped away. she could do this. she could do this. jac repeated the sentence over and over again, positive that once she convinced herself, everything would become much, much easier.

tagged for char as noah!
wearing THIS and eep. emotional jac. IT EXISTS.

tell me i'm your national anthem,

[noah]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellspacing,0,true] [STYLE=width: 400px; background-color: #ebebeb; border-left: 6.5px #bb931d solid;][STYLE=float: left; margin: 10 5 0 10;][STYLE=background-color: #ebebeb; border: 10px #bb931d solid; padding: 2px; height: 80px; width: 80px;][/style][STYLE=background-color: #ebebeb; border: 10px #bb931d solid; padding: 2px; height: 80px; width: 80px;][/style][/style][STYLE=font-family: arial narrow; letter-spacing: 1px; font-size: 10.5px; text-align: justify; width: 350px; padding: 15 20 10 20; ]No, no, no! How could Noah let this catastrophe occur? The day prior to his long jump into their future had been absolutely perfect. Their routine wavered little despite Noah's strange but not out of character giddiness. The ring, the plans, and everything in between had been planned out over weeks and weeks of careful thought. He'd called his mother for romance advice. She was a woman, and Noah's father had to woo her somehow. The internet had several articles about romantic proposals, too. Proposals were supposed to be memorable. If they were worthy enough to tell their kids, he knew he'd done his job right. Well, now there weren't going to be any kids at all. She'd find someone who made her blissful in her life, someone that wasn't Noah Davison. She'd fall in love with him and exchange vows that weren't painful to swallow. Meanwhile, Noah would be wallowing in her memory, cursing himself for the love he'd lost. Noah looked out the window of the bedroom as Jac once again denied him her love. His heart felt mangled in his chest. A pack of ravage wolves had their way with his most important organ. He'd never be the same again because Jac was his one and only, his soul mate. Without her, he was incomplete and vulnerable. She'd become a permanent fixture in his life. Running errands for her, forgetting to buy something on her shopping list, and kissing her good night were all precious articles in a routine they shared. Not to mention how he'd miss the intimate premisses of their love. Hot kisses and hungry touches were somehow sentimental in the sense that Noah didn't want to make love with anyone but her. Noah was Jacqueline's entirely, and he was beginning to realize she didn't know how much she meant to him. Everyone around them seemed to be keen on his love. They encouraged his faith by cooing over how in love they were... Or weren't. No. Noah needed to believe Jacqueline loved him equally. The hand encasing the ring was outstretched and shaking. Jac refused to look him in the eye as she revealed that she didn't want the ring. An iron dagger pierced him in the heart. He turned out the breath of air he'd been keeping imprisoned. Jac walked out the door with a box, and he was honestly surprised she had the strength to do so. All of his limbs had gone limp with her words. He closed his fingers around the box tightly and clenched his fist. Hot tears began to roll down his cheeks as he did so. This was it, then. Jacqueline Deanna Hayes was really leaving him behind. He wet his lips and tried his best to gain his composure. Suddenly, he had an idea. It was quite brilliant, actually. She wanted him to fight for her. Could it be that this entire scenario was a test? Noah set the box on the dresser with renewed hope and fled down the stairs after her. The box she'd been holding was discarded in the foyer. Noah whipped open the front door and peeked his head around the corner of the apartment complex. Jac's car was stationary in the spot it usually occupied. All the doors were locked tight. Movement in the kitchen brought him face to face with her. Yes, his eyes were irritated with tears. Yes, he was disregarding the last shard of dignity he had left. None of that mattered. "Do you want me to fight for you?" he asked, hopeful. "Because I will, Jac. I'll do anything for you." [STYLE=color: #bb931d; font-family: arial narrow; letter-spacing: 1.5px; font-size: 30px; font-style: italic; text-align: left;]so the beautiful world,[/style][STYLE=font-size: 10px; font-family: arial narrow; letter-spacing: 1px;]❚ WORDS: 589 words ❚ TAGS: jacqueline deanna hayes ❚ NOTES: noah</3 ❚ CREDITS: Ambassador Tanz [/style][/style][/style][/style]

[jac]

she heard him walk past, and she tried to be still. she really did. but her chest was starting to heave, and her breathing was hitching, and honestly, it was just so much more difficult to stay quiet now than it had been not five minutes ago. she heard the door open, and, taking that chance, she took in a big, gasping breath, trying to calm herself down. jacqueline deanna hayes would never have cried. not in a million years. and yet, here she was, trying to compose herself before he saw her. it was all because of him. noah davison. he was the only person on the planet that could do this to her, and she loved him for it. so much. he had this effect on her.

how odd, she thought. she loved him because he could make her cry? but it was so much more than that. he was her polar opposite, and in that way, he balanced her out. he made her a better person. he could calm her down when she was in her angriest state, and he could make her laugh and smile when she was trying to be serious. he was good at that. he was her pain reliever and her best friend. and she was throwing it all away. maybe one day, he'd see how selfless it was, and come to appreciate it. maybe one day, she'd be able to appreciate it. jac didn't want to do this. but she had to. she heard him come back in, and she dried her eyes with the backs of her fingers, making sure not to smudge her mascara. but as she turned to him, there was no mistaking the tears that were pricking her eyes.

she hated this feeling. she wanted it all to stop. her look went from angry to exasperated in a split second as he started babbling about some new nonsense- fight for her? did he think that's what this was about? she pinched the bridge of her nose, shaking her head sadly. of course, he would have no idea what this was about. she'd never given him any kind of warning. "no!" she covered her eyes with her hands, trying to think of a way to do this without breaking him into tiny pieces. because, judging from the hurt look and the tears in his eyes, that's exactly what she was doing. she wanted to scream and smash things and throw an all out tantrum. she wanted to shake him and tell him that she was doing this FOR him, and then hug him and never let him go.

she wished she'd said yes. but it was too late to go back now. so instead, she turned from him again. "i don't want you to fight for me. there's nothing to fight for, noah." she was dying. this was killing her. she could only imagine what it was doing him. why is it that the right thing to do was the hardest? here she was, trying to do the right thing, and it was tearing them apart. ripping them to shreds. "i don't want you to do anything." she took a deep breath and turned around, pushing past him, picking up the box again. she took it out the door and dropped it in the back of her car before heading back inside. maybe this would be easy. maybe he'd just go mope. but then again, maybe not.

tagged for char as noah!
wearing THIS and eep. emotional jac. IT EXISTS.

tell me i'm your national anthem,

[noah]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellspacing,0,true] [STYLE=width: 400px; background-color: #ebebeb; border-left: 6.5px #bb931d solid;][STYLE=float: left; margin: 10 5 0 10;][STYLE=background-color: #ebebeb; border: 10px #bb931d solid; padding: 2px; height: 80px; width: 80px;][/style][STYLE=background-color: #ebebeb; border: 10px #bb931d solid; padding: 2px; height: 80px; width: 80px;][/style][/style][STYLE=font-family: arial narrow; letter-spacing: 1px; font-size: 10.5px; text-align: justify; width: 350px; padding: 15 20 10 20; ]Noah was certain her motive was nothing but a test. Women were oddly crazy about security and righteousness. Noah was flying down the staircase to make her realize how perfect their love was. There wasn't a bone in his body that would tire of fighting for her because people in love didn't break down when mountains grew between them. No, people in love helped each other over the peak, through the snow and ice, to relinquish a love doubted. Here Noah was with his grappling hook and harness. His arm was outstretched, encouraging Jac to latch on. Her face was muddled with distressed make-up. Her actions were tearing them to shreds, not just him. She didn't have to cringe the way she was. Noah didn't want to make her cry. In his arms, Jacqueline was safer than she'd ever been. He'd never allowed anything life-threatening happen to her while they were together. He was determined to keep his record clean for the rest of their lives. "No!" she gasped, casting him off once more. Her face was buried in her arms, masking the pain. His heart further broke, entwined around a sharp knife. He recoiled, glancing at the ground. Tears continued to burn his cheeks with their betrayal. Noah wanted to hold her until this wretched phase passed. Jacqueline was known to be moody, so the possibility that she was experiencing a mental breakdown was very real. He loved that about her, oddly enough. He loved each molecule in the perfect being she was with undying passion. He looked forward to a flawless future with her, creating life in the course of their love. How could she reject all of his ideas, his dreams? How could she say no and toss him in the trash so effortlessly? Without warning, without time for Noah to react, Jac had made her decision, and he was beginning to realize her mind was set. There was no turning back. "Let's talk about this, please," he pleaded. No use. She was gone. He wallowed in sadness. Noah approached her as she continued to insist there was nothing to fight for. "You're wrong," he sighed. His mind had overheated. Now, he was malfunctioning. "How could you say that after everything we've been through?" His arms remained frozen at his side. He was a breath away from her, her back to his stomach. The hope that she'd realize how much he cared never died. He urged her to see her error with every waking breath. She needed to see just how much leaving him would hurt them. Not just him. Them. Despite her efforts, Noah couldn't commit to the idea that they didn't love each other equally. "Come on, Jac," he whispered as she turned away. Noah followed her out to her car, new determination pressuring him to pick up his game. Her ignorance was heartbreaking. How she managed to disregard his pleads completely crushed him. Finally, he played rougher, barricading the door. "Why are you doing this?" he breathed, peering intently into her captivating eyes. [STYLE=color: #bb931d; font-family: arial narrow; letter-spacing: 1.5px; font-size: 30px; font-style: italic; text-align: left;]so the beautiful world,[/style][STYLE=font-size: 10px; font-family: arial narrow; letter-spacing: 1px;]❚ WORDS: 512 words ❚ TAGS: jacqueline deanna hayes ❚ NOTES: TWENTY POSTS. HALLELUJAH. ❚ CREDITS: Ambassador Tanz [/style][/style][/style][/style]